Dubious airline carriers

Happy Hour Air - where pilots drink for free

Smelta - fly the unclean skies (whoever Smelta, Delta)

Air Bob Propeller Pants

Air'Go - the literary airline

Engines Optional Airlines

SweatJet

Pissed Off Toddler Express

Pantsless Air

Air Atlantis

Surviving an octopus attack

Try to swim away - Octopi tire easily; they're weak like that

Keep your arms from its arms

Peel the suckers from your body, starting at the tip - Sounds a bit perverse

Detach the octopus from its anchor - It will lose its balance

Turn somersaults in the water - The creature will be irritated, most likely by your awkward gymnastics

Grab some soy sauce

Enjoy

Nine pirates that are unable to shiver our timbers

9. Ol' Balloon Sword

8. Half-Beard the Prepubescent Pirate

7. Peg Eyes

6. Scabies the Scabfarer

5. Captain Morgan the DUI Buccaneer

4. Pansie the Pirate

3. Captain Flipper Arms

2. Fuzzy the Nerf Pirate

1. Jack Russell, the Agitated Sea Dog

Least popular Facebook apps

Send a Virtual Venereal Disease

Calculus Kitty

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The Hooked on Macroeconomic Societal Indicators Fan Page

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Scabtastic Gifts

The Ultimate Sanitary Napkin Quiz

I Love Bleach, new and improved

Cauliflower Fetish Network

Spellcheck

Sports teams that never made the cut

Carolina Paper Clips

Phoenix Fighting Accountants

Miami Mom Butts

New Jersey Janitors

Seattle Canker Sores

Ann Arbor Dandelions

New York Skidmarks

Detroit Burning Sensation

Nine things that should be against the law

9. head-butting a squirrel

8. telling random babies they’ll never amount to anything

7. milking a cow with lewd intent

6. making a pillow out of human hairs for your friend

5. buffets

4. singing off-key sea chanteys with drunk captains

3. Bluetooth ear pieces (worn by people without jobs)

2. any Nicolas Cage movie about numbers and bad hair

1. thinking without a license