Surviving an octopus attack

Try to swim away - Octopi tire easily; they're weak like that

Keep your arms from its arms

Peel the suckers from your body, starting at the tip - Sounds a bit perverse

Detach the octopus from its anchor - It will lose its balance

Turn somersaults in the water - The creature will be irritated, most likely by your awkward gymnastics

Grab some soy sauce

Enjoy

Nine pirates that are unable to shiver our timbers

9. Ol' Balloon Sword

8. Half-Beard the Prepubescent Pirate

7. Peg Eyes

6. Scabies the Scabfarer

5. Captain Morgan the DUI Buccaneer

4. Pansie the Pirate

3. Captain Flipper Arms

2. Fuzzy the Nerf Pirate

1. Jack Russell, the Agitated Sea Dog

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